Never fear! We did not poison Brother Harry! We had a wonderful time, there was obviously nothing to worry about, there was so much talking that there was never an awkward silence! And I didn’t burn anything, and they acted like they really liked what they ate, God was so good. We had a fabulous weekend, we went to a cousin’s wedding and had a nice, relaxing time, especially with the time change!
The following is most likely going to be a bunch of senseless ramblings in no logical order. I am not meaning to direct them toward any particular person or group of people; however, I am going to make an effort to release some thoughts on this thing instead of just talking about cooking.
For some reason or another, I keep seeing some attitudes about marriage that are rather perplexing, particularly among young, Christian, single women. (There may be another male in the house that feels the same way, but I don’t talk to young single guys quite so much!) People see others getting married and have this attitude of “Another one bites the dust.” Suprisingly enough, they also express thoughts like, “This makes it really difficult on me, I am sad because I am single and all these other people are not.” This is a strange dichotomy; it’s basically saying that getting married is the end of life, but happiness is extremely hard to come by if you are not headed in that direction.
Don’t stop reading here thinking that I am totally not understanding. I understand that it is natural for people to desire a relationship…God created us to be relational beings! I understand that people usually want the intimacy of a very special, one-on-one relationship, someone of the opposite sex to fulfill the need for companionship. I understand that most Christians are aware that this relationship needs to be first and foremost fulfilled with Christ, and then the romantic relationship should come naturally; I also understand that it is hard to apply that concept to the emotions. I understand that single people get sick and tired of married people telling them to get close to God and not worry about relationships, they will come on their own. This culture has ingrained in us the value of romantic love, and I understand that.
So why is God’s timing like it is? Why do some lucky people get led to the “guillotine” of marriage before others? I don’t know! I know that God has used getting married early in my life to help me keep from being distracted by all the “nice” boys at the college so I can focus on my schoolwork. How unromantic sounding is that?!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a hopeless romantic…I love it when in Ever After Prince Henry kneels at Danielle’s feet and starts his proposal, “I kneel before you not as a prince, but as a man in love. But I would feel like a KING if you…” What I love even more is The Phantom of the Opera because it’s got TWO hopelessly romantic guys…that can sing! God created eros love and I don’t think it’s wrong to enjoy the tingles it produces in an appropriate setting. However, when thinking about getting married, one needs to have a perspective of the reality of marriage. Marriage is a lot of hard work! It cannot possibly be based on eros love, because if it is you’ll be running out the door the first time the bathroom needs to be cleaned or the garbage starts to stink! Not only do you have to maintain your household, hold down a job, or stay in school, you have to learn to communicate! You have to put someone before yourself every day, all day! How exhausting!
And that’s why, deep down, when single people see their friends get married, they think, “Another one bites the dust.” No more late night drives to Wal-Mart with the gang, no more sleepovers or spontaneous trips to Subway. People who are married have to live structured, responsible lives to maintain a good relationship with their spouses. But it is so worth the work. With the work comes the joy of living with your best friend, of companionship, fun, spiritual leadership and followship. And that’s why, deep down, when single people see their friends getting married, they are sad because it’s not happening to them.
One thing that I believe would assist single people in perspective is to remember that married people have struggles too. Single people may be struggling with their singleness, a lot of times married people are struggling with our marriedness! If not, they are struggling with things you struggle with; bills, classes, jobs, etc. AND many are struggling with something I haven’t experienced yet on top of that; parenthood.
Also, please enjoy the opportunities you receive as a single person. This is the one time of your life (between the age of 18 and marriage) that it is just you and God…there is no third party to influence where you go and do your ministry. Listen to God, seek His face…I understand this advice gets annoying after awhile, so I will not dwell on it, but let the joy of the Lord be your strength!
There is so much more I could say, and I simply cannot get all of it to paper. I love my single friends dearly and I am so proud of the example of Christlikeness they set for others…I appreciate the ones that can say, “I want to show others I don’t need a man/woman to make me complete, because Jesus does!” This, believe it or not, is a wonderful witnessing tool!
I love my married friends as well! I appreciate them making the statement that “I cannot make this marriage work on my own, but Christ can!” I will probably do another entry specifically about marriage, later…I am definitely reaching my quota on Xanga entry time!
(Al Mohler Commentary readers, eat your heart out!)