On Marriage and Baby #3

I haven’t gone very “deep” in my blog lately. I’ll admit part of it is there are a lot more people reading it now than there used to be, (don’t be impressed, I had about 3 readers for the first 4 years of this blog) and I don’t want to bore anyone or (heaven forbid) offend anyone. But this is still my blog, and I want to be able to talk about issues that are on my mind on my blog. So I’ll warn you now, this is going to be a thoughtful/issue post, and if you would rather look at something lighter and more color, I recommend Pinterest.

The issue at hand is marriage. Or, more specifically, marriage with three kids. And, unlike most of my blogs that talk about various victories in my life (photography, teaching French, making healthy rainbow pancakes, etc.), this is a post that will talk about a seriously needs some work area of my life. And, just so you know, I’m not going to publish this post until Josh has read it and given his seal of approval. So, don’t worry, no surprises there.

Here is my confession: I have three kids that need me for pretty much every little thing in life. I feed them (and they all pretty much require being fed in a different way,) I wipe their bottoms (OK, Ava is exempt from that. For the most part.), I play with them, I clean up after them, I discipline them…and I could continue this list, but I’m sure you’ve gotten the idea by now. Well, anyway, the confession part is, since we have been a family of 5, I have not put that much thought into taking care of my husband. He’s an adult. I’m not wiping his bottom.

OK, OK, so I’ve never wiped his bottom, and he’s never asked me to wipe his bottom…but I couldn’t resist.

But there are ways that I could be taking care of my husband that I have neglected. I could be providing him with more nutritious meals and encouraging him to meet his weight loss goal by not demanding so much of his time so that he can exercise. I could give him a massage after he carries around our children or furniture all day. Josh’s love language is Physical Touch, and after a day of handling the kids, the last thing I want to do is touch another person. But I could fight that gut instinct that screams I NEED MY SPACE!!! and give my husband a kiss when he comes home from work. I could do a better job at cleaning the house so that he feels welcome in his own home…and so that he doesn’t have to spend precious time that he could do other things with cleaning the house. (Because he’s one of the rockin’ hubbies that will do that without being asked!)

Do you get what I’m saying? Well it doesn’t really matter if you do, because I do, and it’s my marriage I’m talking about. But it’s always nice to know that I’m making sense.

When I got married, my mom gave me a book called The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. Well, I didn’t read the whole thing, but the title alone tells me that I should be taking care of my husband. (At least, the Gospel According to Dr. Laura says that I should…) And it really is not much to ask, because my husband has been taking such good care of the 4 of us. I’m serious. I’ve had friends randomly ask me, “How did you teach Josh to [do the dishes, wash the cloth diapers, do x with your kids, etc.]?” The answer is, I didn’t. He just does it. And he doesn’t complain.

Oh, and did I mention he works a full time job, and then works a contracting job when the kids go to bed so that he can support our family?

I think the least I could do is check on how he’s doing every once in a while and see if he needs anything. I mean, even waitresses that we don’t know do that.

Older women likewise are to…encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

(Titus 2:3-5 NAS, emphasis mine)

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9 thoughts on “On Marriage and Baby #3

  1. Am with you on this! It is certainly hard to make the switch back to spouse being in the forefront of attention after the littles arrive!

  2. Newbie to your blog 🙂 My husband and I just had our first baby a month ago and I’m finding it so hard to find time to take care of my hubby like you mentioned…thank you so much for posting this 🙂 It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one going through this!

  3. I remember one day when my 5 year old who was the oldest of 4 at the time, yelled from the bathroom as was usual “Mama come wipe my hiney”. It was one of those days and I was at the end of my wits. I remember going in and telling him “I wipe every hiney in this house except Daddy’s, from now on you wipe your own! I also remember after being touched all day by lots of little hands going to my room and cringing when one of the kids came near me because I just didn’t want to be touched anymore. Now that my youngest is 9, and very independent, I actually miss those touches.You are doing great, keep loving your husband and talking together about the challenges you each face. Remember we are near by when you need a break.Harriet

  4. I know we have been bloggy friends for a couple of years now. I enjoyed your post so far. I kind of laughed when you said you don’t wipe your husband’s bottom — last week I was giving a shower to one of our residents who is more of a handful — and he asked if I gave my husband showers. Ha ha. I told him I would probably bop my husband on the nose if he asked me to. I think any of us who have been married a while tend to find little things that we can say we don’t do as great of a job on as we could. James and I don’t have any kids and I still sometimes look at myself and say “Wow I am not doing enough for him.” I guess in our situation the hardest part is I have to be creative since James won’t tell me anything I can do even if I ask him because I told him early on about how my dad used to criticize my mom and how bad that was for our family.

  5. Great post! My dad gave me that book when I got married…I don’t think I got past the first chapter…bad, I know. Maybe I need to pick it up! 🙂

  6. @CecilliaMarie – Welcome!! Congrats on the new baby – will have to hop over to your blog and check out your beautiful fam! My experience is the first two months after having a baby are the craziest. You have a lot more responsibility AND your body is healing AND the hormones don’t know which way is up! Hang in there!!!@harrietoliff – Harriet, I don’t know if I’ve told you this, but it’s always encouraging when you comment! You have truly “been there”! And I will be contacting you soon to see if Melanie would like to babysit so we can do a small group – which would be a fantastic break! @vegasgal05 – Yes, you are one of my “old faithful” bloggery friends! But that doesn’t make you old! @snowchic23 – Let me know how the book is! @MWilly@celebratinglifeandmotherhood – Your comments were more rhetorical, but I didn’t want to leave you out by not replying!

  7. I’m with you on this post. I must admit I neglect my fiance sometimes because I’m so exhausted from running around after my 2 kids (2 & 9 months) that all I want to do at the end of the day is sit down on my own and chill out. Thank you for your post, it’s made me realise I need to spend some more time looking after my fiance too, even though he doesn’t have the same needs as the kids he still needs me, just in different ways.

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