The $100 Poop

Disclaimer: Part of parenthood is dealing with poop. It is my life. If you don’t like hearing about it, don’t read this post.

So Egan had a rough night. I would say that he had had a fairly normal day yesterday, but since I had to call Poison Control for the first time when he ate some sunscreen, it was ALMOST a fairly normal day. (The following story has nothing to do with the sun screen. It was an extremely small amount and the very nice Poison Control person told me that it would do him no harm whatsoever.)

I went on a jog with Liz, and when I arrived home, Egan was screaming in his bed. Josh informed me that he had gotten very constipated. We put the kids to bed and then got Egan back up to console him. At first, I didn’t think much of it. All of our kids have had at least one pretty bad round of constipation, and since he had pooped the day before, I figured we would be through it in an hour or so.

But then we realized that he was running a fever, too. When he would doze off for a few minutes at a time out of shear exhaustion, he continued grunting in his sleep. I began to second guess whether he was really grunting or having trouble breathing.

About 1:30, I called the after hours nurse. To my dismay, I got a guy who talked a lot like Dr. Spaceman. After I told him the symptoms, he kept saying things in a slurred voice like, “Wow, that’s weird,” and, “Usually the rectal temperature will get things moving.” Which was highly encouraging when what I really wanted to know was whether or not my baby needed to go to the ER!

We opted to not go to the ER since he was calming down and resting a lot more by now. After some fitful sleep for all 3 of us, we took Egan in to our family doctor.

Dr. Perry confirmed that what was going on WAS weird, but of course, he put it in a much more professional way. Had we given him a suppository? No, we didn’t have them on hand since we had never needed them. He sent us in for some lab tests and a chest and abdominal xray, and recommended that in the meantime we medicate the fever and give him a suppository.

Long story short, after some bloodwork, x-rays, and a suppository…Egan pooped. And he seems to feel much better now. Dr. Perry did prescribe him an antibiotic since his constipation was accompanied by fever, but his tests came back clear. (Except for the poop.)

After spending so much on a bowel movement, it’s a shame to have to throw that diaper in the trash can, isn’t it?

And after years of making fun of my parents for keeping suppositories in their fridge…guess what’s in mine!

Oh, and one more thing. This pin?

Source: ifunny.mobi via Kara on Pinterest

Yes. This pin.

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2 thoughts on “The $100 Poop

  1. LOL, poop is something I no longer flinch talking about. At work we discuss resident’s size, regularity and consistency. Kind of funny but if someone hasn’t gone in a while we generally spike their beverage of choice with miralax.

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